i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
