when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
