so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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