I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
