I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
