I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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