if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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