Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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