It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
