Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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