he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The struggles of a small town man whore
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
