I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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