I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
