We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
