Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize