just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
