I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
