My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
