So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
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It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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