Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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