One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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