I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
