the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
