erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
