i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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