I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
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You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
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Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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