I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
