he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My vagina is officially offended.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
