I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
