I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
