dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
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It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
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she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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