Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
