i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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