I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
