on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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