also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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