Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
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I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
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My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I did not marry a roomba.
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