its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
