I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
