If i come over, it means nothing
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
