Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
