smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I did not marry a roomba.
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