So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
