I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
