yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
