Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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