I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
