I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i dont even know how to be here
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
