I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize