I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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