Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
