forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
