We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
