I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
