i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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