The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize