ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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