It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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