so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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