not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
