i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
