i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
