toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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