do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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