Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
