I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
