end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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